How to have 'the talk' with your manager
If something feels off at work, the instinct for a lot of people is to quietly start job searching. But before you update your CV and head to Seek, it’s worth asking a different question first.
Have you actually talked to your manager about it?
Most people haven’t. Not because they don’t want to, but because they’re not sure how to position the conversation without it feeling like a complaint, a threat, or just plain awkward.
That’s exactly what this post (and the video below) is about.
First, Work Out What’s Actually Changed
Before you go into any conversation with your manager, it helps to get clear on where the friction is coming from. In my experience, it usually traces back to one of three areas.
1.Your tasks and responsibilities
Have your day-to-day tasks shifted over time? Or maybe they haven’t shifted at all, and that’s the problem. If you’ve grown significantly in the role but your responsibilities haven’t kept pace, that sense of restlessness isn’t a sign something is wrong with you. It’s a sign you’re ready for more.
Ask yourself: am I still being challenged? Am I doing work that uses the best of what I have to offer?
2. Your manager or leadership team
Leadership changes everything. A new manager, a restructure, or a shift in team culture can completely change your experience of a role you used to love. It’s worth being honest with yourself about whether the friction is about the work itself, or the environment around it.
3. Your connection to the business values and mission
This one is easy to overlook, but it matters more than people think. If you’ve stopped feeling excited about what the business does or how it operates, that disconnection shows up in your energy and your motivation. Sometimes values drift over time, on your side or the organisation’s.
Getting clear on which of these three areas is the real source of your frustration will help you walk into the conversation knowing what you’re actually asking for.
How to Position the Conversation
Once you know what you need, the next step is framing it in a way your manager can genuinely get behind. This is where most people get it wrong. They either frame it as a personal want (“I need more variety”) or, worse, they don’t raise it at all and let the frustration build quietly.
The approach I use with clients is the Win-Win-Win framework.
The idea is simple: before you raise anything, think through how your ask benefits you, your manager and the business, and the broader outcome for customers or the team.
When all three are covered, the conversation stops feeling like a negotiation and starts feeling like a shared opportunity.
Here’s a real example.
Say you want to upskill in AI. Instead of framing it as “I’d love to do this course,” try something like:
“I’ve been looking at an AI course that I think could be genuinely useful. It’s something I’m excited about professionally. It would also help our team work more efficiently, and ultimately give our clients a better experience as we find the right balance between technology and the personal touch.”
Same ask. Completely different landing.
Your manager isn’t just thinking about your development. They’re thinking about the team, the workload, and the outcomes they’re responsible for. When you show you’ve considered all of that, you come across as a strategic thinker rather than someone lobbying for themselves.
A Few Things to Keep in Mind
You don’t need to have every answer before you have the conversation. What you need is clarity on what’s not working and a genuine sense of what would help.
Keep the tone collaborative. You’re not presenting a list of grievances. You’re opening a conversation.
And if you’ve been sitting on this for a while, know that the conversation is almost always less scary than the version you’ve been running in your head.
What now?
If you’d like help getting clear on what you actually want before you have that conversation, a Career Audit is a good place to start. It’s a single, focused session where we look honestly at where you are and what needs to happen next.